Earlier this month, the husbear and I celebrated 34 years of marriage.
It sounds like a looooong time – and yet, we are still learning new things about each other – and ourselves!
Case in point: I recently had an epiphany about a disagreement we had very early in our marriage, and I finally realised it was about so much more than just the washing up.
It’s only been in the last year or so that I have understood that I held an unconscious expectation that once married and living together, we would do the washing up together after our evening meal each night.
As newly weds, we both worked in the city which involved an early start, a long day at work and then the commute. By the time we’d cooked and eaten dinner, we were both pretty exhausted.
So when he wanted to relax after dinner, rather than do the washing up, it wasn’t that hard to convince me.
However deep down I was disappointed.
I thought it would be easier to relax once the kitchen had been cleaned up. (There’s nothing worse than getting up in the morning only to be confronted by a kitchen cluttered with the remains of last night’s meal – especially when you’re rushing to get out the door for another day of work!).
But back in the day, I felt it wasn’t worth arguing.
I couldn’t articulate why it was so important to me and so, eager to please my new husband, I capitulated. (Clearly I wasn’t as assertive as I’ve learned to be, more than three decades later!).
It was a bit of a moot point before long anyway as we soon got our first dishwasher (praise be!).
Perhaps it was writing my speech for my Dad’s 80th birthday that triggered my thoughts about our kitchen habits – and I realised, that for me, it had been about so much more than just the washing up.
My speech was a collection of memories of my Dad – including how we used to do the washing up together each night when I was about 9 or 10 (my parents split up when I was 10, so I couldn’t have been any older than that).
Being the eldest child, I was allowed to stay up that little bit later – as long as I helped by wiping up, while he washed the dishes. We had a little black and white TV on the kitchen counter and would watch the ABC – Four Corners I think it was – and chat.
That time was precious to me, as being one of four children meant there wasn’t much opportunity for one-on-one time with either parent.
Is it any surprise my feelings were hurt when the husbear didn’t want to share this simple household task with me once we were married? In my mind, it was not a chore, but rather a chance to spend some quality time together!
I shared my epiphany with the husbear recently and he was very sorry that he hadn’t realised what it meant to me – but how could he, when I didn’t even realise myself?!
What’s something that you’ve had a revelation about recently?!
